I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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