I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
