Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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