you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
