and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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