wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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