Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
