There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
