You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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