I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
