dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
