Im at strip club and am horny
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
