I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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