I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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