Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
