she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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