somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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