Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
