my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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