i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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