I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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