GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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