I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
