he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
