My room smells like vodka and shame
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
