i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
