Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
