Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
