You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
