Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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