Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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