WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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