We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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