I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
