why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
