I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
