I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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