I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
