please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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