I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
