Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
