I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
