i was born a porn star she said
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
