This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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