I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
