Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
