I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sarcasm needs its own font
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
