singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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