All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
