please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
