I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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