Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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